How Many Horse People Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Oh, my God, someone fix that bulb.  I have to have light so that my silver and spangles all glow to their best and so that all the highlighter on Old Peanut Head makes his nose look so smooth and sparkly, and oh my diamonds studs have to flash in the light, you know, so oh, someone has to fix it.  Oh, maybe you without all the silver on your saddle, obviously can’t ride, you can do it.
Light bulb?  Do you mind, I’m trying to get my horse’s pulse/respiration/hydration levels down to respectable levels.  Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
Change a light bulb?  Are you joking?  I couldn’t possible be expected to subject myself to such a menial task.  Change it yourself.  Oh, and wash you hands when you are finished.  The very thought!
These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will  not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self.  Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb.  That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.
Wuss!  As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country, I’ll change it.  Until then, deal with the dark.  It’ll put hair on your chest.  Only dressage riders require lights, anyway!
Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my butt.  Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.
You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using “light bulb dynamics’ (video set available at $179.00 on my website).  Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented “light bulb coaxer”) designed by me–$99.00 each, (for extra $49.99 you get an introductory video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.
Well, I’m waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he’s changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.
Do I have to do everything??!!  Oh, yeah, I do, don’t I?  I’ll get to it as soon as I’m done mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the tub, cleaning and filling the water buckets, stacking my hay, setting up for night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising horses, and whatever else needs to be done.


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